Saturday, August 9, 2008
A Dad's Love

Watch this and then read on.



This advertisement has caught my eyes for quite sometime now but I never really got the mood to blog about it till today. Why? Cause I cried. Not really cried, but for once, I really sat and watched the whole video. Suddenly, tears rolled down my eyes. I guess, I really felt the love.

The difference between this and the many other family commercials out there is that it talks about single dads as opposed to the usual single moms. We all know how bad dads can be. Womaniser, rapist, abusers and such. But this advertisement moved me and brought me memories of my dad.

Somehow, I feel that the male species have got the qualities to be the perfect dad that any child would want to have. And they care more than capable to do things that moms can do as well. I know of dads who can cook, who can sew and still have a full fledge carrier. Which brought me back to a drama serial on Channel 8 where Tay Ping Hui played a house husband while his wife is a successful career woman. Their kid eventually grew closer to the dad than the mom. I loved the show. It shows man in their most vulnerable situation and raises the awareness for house husbands.

Looking back to the video, sometimes, we can't get what we want but instead, we have to live with what we have rather. In this case, we always take for granted our lives and we always compare it with others. Why do so? We are all born in different situations hence it's pointless to compare. Would constant nags or whines about how pathetic your life is change the way your life is already is? Instead, work hard to earn those moolah, I say.

With that, I would like to say thank you to my dad wherever he is, despite the fact that he left too early in my life, for bringing me to the world. I suppose if given another chance, I know you would do your duties differently.

When was the last time YOU said "I Love You" to your dad?

2:53 AM;

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Friday, August 8, 2008
Not Ready To Make Nice

It’s ironic how we always seem to fight with our alter ego. Trust me. Everyone has their alter ego; another side of them which they don’t show it to others readily, or should I say unknowingly. For example, look at the most quietest person in your class and observe him/her carefully. Yes, they may look docile and totally harmless but have you ever wondered if there’s another side to them? Whereby they get triggered by the littlest things that offends them, beseeching their anger to surface beneath that petite form, figuratively speaking.

Yes, anger can make or break a person. And how the mood is affected counts on how much anger is exuded or afflicted on. For some, it comes naturally. For others, it comes as a surprise. To me, anger is within me, embodied with every ounce of my body; just like how my skin keeps my flesh protected. The anger is within my flesh and if I can be anal about things, I can literally feel my body ripping apart everytime my anger emerge. Don’t miscontrue the definition of anger though. Different people take on their own approach to handling anger. Some are used to bantering, scolding profanities, resorting to violence and there are those who seek solace in crying. It’s an act which either hurts others or hurts yourself.

So, in class, we were told to check MEL for 36 different anger analysis situations. Clicking the box one by one already tested my patience (I’m not kiddding) so when I finally set my eyes on one of them, I was elated. Yes! A situation that I could relate to. Here’s an excerpt.

One weekend in August, my friend and I went to the library at the Esplanade to study for our exams. We left only at 9 pm when the library closes.

Instead of heading home immediately, we went for dinner and I only reached home at about 11 pm. My parents scolded me for coming home late when the exams were just around the corner. They did not believe that I had gone to study in the library, insisting that all libraries close at 5 pm on weekends. They were unaware that the library at Esplanade closes at 9 pm on weekends. I was accused of lying to them and going out to fool around.

I tried explaining to my parents but they refused to listen. In the end, I just gave up: “You just want to hear that I went out to play, right? OK, I went out with my friends. Are you happy now?” I remembered slamming the door to my room. I hate to be maligned. What angered me the most was that they didn’t trust me.

Jackpot! I was so happy I finally could relate to a situation. I’ve always faced such a situation with my family and it totally gets on my nerves. Just because I don’t show my hardworking side, doesn’t mean I’m not hardworking. Duh! My solution to the problem though is as follows.

Do not fight fire with fire. When someone is angry, the other party should just listen and not retaliate. It will be futile in the event whereby both want to be dominant in the argument. Back off and reason out things in a more apprehensive way. Evaluate and think about each word that you want to say so that you will not end up adding more oil to the fire, figuratively speaking. Someone has to give in, be it his fault or not. Once the storm is over and after the rainbow has emerged will then we are able to sit down and talk about it.

In the heat of anger, a fight is definitely inevitable. But the degree of damage inflicted can be reduced to the minimal. At the end of the day, we will all realize that getting too worked up was not productive at all. The best way to go about it is to point out the reasons for anger to happen and how to prevent it from happening the next time. Like they say, once bitten, twice shy but that’s not the case for every scenario.

Where trust is to be given, give the person the benefit of doubt where it’s due. If it’s a repetitive act though, then you have to take a different approach to it. Being angry or pissed off is not a solution, but more of a liability to the relationship. Being rational definitely will help.

At the end of the day, how we reason out our problems matters. Being angry about something for a long period of time is useless. It will only affect your mood. Instead of pulling a sulky face the whole day, why not cry your heart out and then be nonchalant about the whole thing later? Afterall, while it’s a fine line between anger and happiness, it’s a vice versa situation that can be overturned anytime. Don’t let anger consume you, delete them away.

To sum it all up, throwing a tantrum or being pissed off is not going to help or make wonders. All you have to do is talk things out and solve it amicably. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You just got to widen up your options and be opened to reasoning.

7:21 AM;

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Thursday, August 7, 2008
I feel pretty screwed up sometimes.

Basically, these past few weeks have been a fruitful journey for me. All the discussion about self awareness and self esteem definitely sparked some realisation. It had certainly made me feel more appreciative of my surrounding and keeping up with the constant low self esteem I have of myself. Therefore, it certainly stirred up some emotions when I was asked to do some self reflection on myself.

Growing up, I have never been the one who was prominent (I swear I’m not kidding). I always had troubles trying to cope with peer pressure and being stucked in situations whereby I just wanna break down and cry. I was always the quiet one, the so called “good boy” of the class and barely communicating. I have never been popular nor been the socialite I am now back then. No, I’m not lying. Honestly. Though all those happened when I was in primary school. Haha. Got ya. But that did happen.

As I grew older, I thought to myself that unless I do something to change my outlook and personality, I would always be a bane for others’ mockery. That’s when my gift of the gab (or some would call it the weapon of sarcasm) came along. With my new found approach, I was able to blend in the crowd, thus easily becoming one of the “outstanding” students in class. Even so, though I had more friends, I was never really that happy. I saw everyone (okay, I was over exaggerating there) getting involved in a relationship. I wanted one. Yes, WANTED. But I was always overshadowed by those who are more good looking than yours truly. Sure, they always say that personality outshines looks, but in reality, physical attraction counts a lot too.

That was when I decided to lose weight. I did lose weight, got my confidence, but gained them again. Looks like my level of tolerance and discipline is totally bad heh? Then, NS came. For those who don’t know what NS means, it’s National Service, people. Yes, ORD oh! Haha. No more NS obligations for me. Anyhow, I weighed a hefty 71kg before I was enlisted and after I went for my intensive 6 months training, my weight dropped to a remarkable 60kg. Damn, I looked good. (If you’re asking why I don’t look “60kg” anymore, blame in NP’s canteens. Foods are so irresistable!) That’s when I started getting into relationships and stuff. After dabbling in and out of them, I grew tired of it. Looks like it’s all just so superficial heh? So, I figured, being single is the best option for me now. Studies is priority! No kidding.

The benefits gained from the lectures on self awareness and self esteem did wonders for me. I’ve learned more about myself in particular and how to manage myself further. I can’t say for sure that self esteem is something that others can help you with cause ultimately, it’s all up to an individual.

Remember, nobody can make you feel bad without your permission.

I suppose that if you don’t believe in yourself, then nobody else will. And you can’t blame anyone for your lack of belief in yourself.

Five years down the road, I could definitely see myself on another whole new level. A brand new me which exudes further confidence and the eloquence that has never been seen before. Now, I may just be an aspiring student but one day, I will be what I’ve always want to be; an accountant - a successful one at that. The things that I will remember from my former self is that confidence and being opinionated has always been in my blood. It’s something that comes naturally and not induced from obligation. Also, my determination and drive to succeed would always be the advantage to whatever I do. These are all the essentials to reach my objective.

As for now, the two words I will always keep in mind is “opportunity cost”. For me to achieve my goals, I have to choose the right opportunity cost at all times. Study, if I must but play hard when the time to reward is there.

PS: Tag or leave me comments. I will certainly love you for that.

7:15 PM;

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Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Academics, Academics

I posted this on my main blog two months before (I think) and I still stand by it. What has education done to us? Tsk tsk. Anyway, read on.

PHEW.

That's all I can say.

Yes, it was only two papers, on ONE day so what's the worry? After the constant stressed out periods, I'm finally done. After not sleeping the day before, I'm finally contented. Was I satisfied with the outcome? Maybe? Maybe not? But I'm pretty sure the papers were at least B+ worthy. Yes, that I'm sure. So, I'm hopefully, God would bless me enough to give me an A. THAT, would be satisfying.

With that said, I never actually thought that ACC students were THAT much of a mugger. Honestly, I refuse to. I, for one, only mugs whenever it's closer to tests or exams. Of course, I know people who mugs throughout *coughs*wenjie*coughs* (and I know he's reading this!) while some of us just slack it off till the eleventh hour. But, what makes ACC so competitive?

I was talking about this to Joel. About how competitive our course was. It's insanely crazy I tell you. Our competitiveness on the own beats every other course in the school itself; be it in ngee ann or school of ba itself. I really had no idea what I placed myself into. Yesterday was a living example. You can tell that everyone was cramming audit information in before the paper - ONE hour before the test. Was it last minute studying? Maybe. Were they gunning for an A? Definitely.

That's the thing I guess. That we are always settling for an A rather than a pass. Though I could be assuming for the whole population; given the sample that I'm always faced with. But, I guess that's life heh?

Honestly, I was thinking about what Charles said. I don't even know who I am now. All I know is that I needed to work my ass off in order to get a chance to go uni. And then after uni, I was pretty dead sure I wanted to work. But what happens if plans change? Prior entering uni, my focus was to get a diploma and then work. Yes, that was my initial plan. Cause I wasn't even sure I was going to pass with flying colours with my slacking attitude. But now, it seems everything has changed. Diploma with Merit is in my head, Gold in CCA Certification and possibly getting the Lee Kuan Yew Award is worth going for. Yes, at the end of the day, those are the goals I set myself for before graduation. To get it or not, is another thing. Just have to keep trying, don't I?

Up to this point, I am proud of my fellow ITE mates who are doing well. I think we seriously kick major ass. HAHA.

Anyhow, I know some of you have emphasized that academics is not everything and does not determine success. However, sadly, it IS Singapore and everything is based on that paper you have before applying for job. Sure, if you're lucky enough and takes risk, you could prove that the paper at the end of the day, no pun intended, is just another paper on its own. But, how many Cinderella tales that have successfully been turned out?

I have realised, that facing failures in the early stages of my life wasn't that bad afterall. There was a silver lining behind that clouding storm. The times that I was so disappointed with myself. It takes something to make it work, I suppose. For all the readers out there, grab this opportunity before it gets away. Honestly, think about it. You have three years of poly life and possibly another three years of uni life after that. Yes, we want to work and play hard at the same time. But however, isn't it just fruitful to sacrifice 6 years of fun for the many years of fruit of labour for the following years? That's my thought.

Some people say I have no life - my friends outside school. But I do have fun. I study when I should, go to CCAs and make new friends, hang out with poly mates and spend time with my family. I guess, the interpretation of having fun is so subjective and honestly, I am loving poly life (except the times when we get back our results for anything).

I dunno. I guess this just a reflection for yours truly. I just want to know how you feel.

Sometimes, why can't we teach our kids to do this and earn money from it?


7:09 AM;

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Any help?

I wanted to post something today but lack the muse to do so.

Any topic you want to talk about? No politics though. Cause I suck at that. Leave me some comments and I see what I can whip up tomorrow.

And yeah, I gotta do my A Maths paper now. Been procrastinating.

7:54 AM;

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Monday, August 4, 2008
Break me love into pieces.

Now, I had a talk with one of my friends the other day. I won't say who but we talked about divorce. Yes, it's a topic not for the discussion for someone like me cause I never went through it before. But then again, I can.

My parents divorce when I was 5. That was when I was just in kindergarten. Back then, I recalled the fact that my dad and I were never close. Not even shoulders to shoulders. Which was the reason why the day the judge asked whom I wanted to follow, my answer was simple. My mom.

Life without my dad was hard. Not that I needed him in any way. But, he sold off the house we were in. I still remembered - Hougang. Yes, he tricked my mom in selling off the only form of accommodation that we had. The days when we shifted houses; from one sister's place to another. From Tampines to Marsiling; it never came to a good ending. It was hard living with them, on top the fact that they still had their family to take care of. Imagine the three of us - my mom, my sister and myself cramming into one room with all our items inside. It was hard, and painful feeling.

We knew we had to finance ourselves. My sister was working and I was evidently desperate of an education. So, my mom worked. As a matter of fact, she had been working all along.

Then, I was in Primary Three. I followed my mom to work during the holidays. No one was there to help her out and the boss was nice enough to let me help her out. I remembered the days I helped her scrub the floor of toilets and vacuumed the office. It was a company in the industrial park. Life was hard but mom was still persevering on. As a matter of fact, she still gave me 10 bucks out of her measly wage of $500. I treasured that amount dearly to my heart.

She worked there for around 1 year plus. After that, her health was failing and so she decided to work at a muslim stall near our place. Oh, that's when we got our home. Our very own place. More place for us to stay but of course which comes with high expenses. Mom still worked hard and I studied.

Throughout the years, I dreaded Father's Day. Or the parental consent form which required my parents to sign. Everytime I return back the form to my teacher, the father column would be blank. When the teacher asked why, I couldn't answer him/her. I just kept quiet.

In school, there were always talks of a perfect family. In every lesson there was, they talked about happy families and how mom and dad would be the one to be by your side always. All I had is my mom and sister. Yes. If the situation arise for it, my sister would be my father.

Coming to secondary school, life wasn't that bad. I got into Express stream and I was so damn proud of myself. Not the fact that I think I was smart. All I got was 192 and that was the cutoff for Express Stream in Woodlands Ring Secondary School. I was in the pioneer batch. In my class, I learnt that there were many others who faced the same dilemma as I was. I didn't all alone at all.

However, I was frequently picked on for being weak and feeble. I wasn't the jock nor was one of the sluts. I was just a nerd who was plain stupid. I flunked my Maths throughout and couldn't do Science for heaven's sake. I only survived barely basing on my languages. I didn't even know anything about O levels. All I knew was that it was a final examination before we got posted elsewhere.

I was deluded. I thought I could still go JC. What a joke. When I got my results, I could only get into Engineering course in Poly. What's the other alternative, ITE. Yes, that place that O level kids would shun from. However, I made my way to ITE and took Accounting.

Over there, I started to wake up and realised that many other kids from single parent families have done well. So, why not me? That's when I decided to do well and look where I have reached. Pretty well done, I must say.

This is why I'm pretty sad and appalled at the same time for kids who have perfect families. No, not saying that they don't have problems on their own but I'm just saying that they are blessed to have love from both sides of the parties. But, given all that love, they take things for granted. Unlike them, I can't get all the things that I want. My family is not well educated. We don't go on holidays to Europe or even Hong Kong. We are not rich at all.

Some kids I know spend a lot. And then not study. They don't have to worry even. Cause even if they flunked their exams or graduated by just a hair. That's because their future is so bright and they can just take over the company. Either that, or they know that they have all the money in the world to go overseas university.

It's sad and it's hard for people who are studying their ass off just because they need to. And it's more saddening to know that some are just nonchalant about it. Yes, you won't be able to see the benefits now.

In time, you will. And don't say that you have regretted it.

So like Jojo's song, "It's too little, too late."

6:57 AM;

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Sunday, August 3, 2008
Prostitution; an irreversible sin?

Alright. This topic will be really really random but yet so pressing in this society. I'm supposed to be studying audit at the moment but whatever. I'm watching Solitary on Channel 5 as I'm typing this anyways.

I was having dinner earlier on and my mom was watching "Sensasi". It came to this scene whereby a woman insisted that she wanted to pray at a certain mosque. I have no idea why they won't allow her to do so because I just began to notice the show itself. Suddenly, it dawned on me.

She was a prostitute.

The villagers crowded the area and a group of village people were forming a barricade infront of her and not allowing her to go in. Reason being, she's "dirty". Which comes into context what I have to say about it.

I immediately turned to my mom and asked, "Can't a prostitute pray as well?" which lead her to give me an answer, "Because she's dirty."

My question is, "how dirty can we define her?" Isn't it supposed to be something that God decides? That's my stand, I dunno about yours. But I believe God doesn't turn away anyone who believes in Him. Afterall, He gave us life in this world afterall.

To me, a prostitute, albeit the fact that I do get disgusted by their scope of work, have their reasons for doing the things they do. Some of them sell their body cause they were forced to since they were young. Some got raped and decided that their body is for sale. Some were conned into the job. Or maybe some seek pleasure in it.

For whatever reasons it is, I believe that it's not up to us to scrutinize what they do. Afterall, they decide what they want to do or maybe they can't help it. Like many of us who are holding various occupations, we do it sometimes because we want to. Honestly, I rather see people prostituting themselves as opposed to those who kill, steal, rob, take drugs. These people go around harming people. Sure, you can say that prostitutes carries AIDS. But hey, those people who went to them did know of the risks, didn't they? All for the sake of satisfying their sexual desires.

Would you accept a prostitute who has mend her ways to be your wife and be the one who takes care of your kids? Would you have faith in her that she would not revert to her old ways? Would you stop a prostitute for paying respects to the God she believes in? Never mind if she's only starting to pray to God after she's gotten herself infested with diseases. As long as she's willing to change for the better before the end of her life.

It's sad. We love to judge people by what they are and what they do. The sad truth about this is that we fail to realise who they really are and how they are feeling. Humans have feelings and they too have it. Sure, sometimes we think that they are devoid of feelings just because all they care about is money. But beyond that facade, what do they really desire?

With that, think about it. Nobody is infallible. So instead of judging them, why not judge yourself. You never know when someone would judge you.

10:00 AM;

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nuffnang.


bitch it out.


i removed cbox. comment if you want to. just click on "silence".

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About the blog

The entries on this blog are merely opinions from the writer and are not intended to hurt or flame anyone at all. With that, like they say, "to each his own".

since 4th August 2008

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recent rants.

  • A Dad's Love
  • Not Ready To Make Nice
  • I feel pretty screwed up sometimes.
  • Academics, Academics
  • Any help?
  • Break me love into pieces.
  • Prostitution; an irreversible sin?
  • Why this blog?


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