Thursday, August 7, 2008
I feel pretty screwed up sometimes.
Basically, these past few weeks have been a fruitful journey for me. All the discussion about self awareness and self esteem definitely sparked some realisation. It had certainly made me feel more appreciative of my surrounding and keeping up with the constant low self esteem I have of myself. Therefore, it certainly stirred up some emotions when I was asked to do some self reflection on myself.
Growing up, I have never been the one who was prominent (I swear I’m not kidding). I always had troubles trying to cope with peer pressure and being stucked in situations whereby I just wanna break down and cry. I was always the quiet one, the so called “good boy” of the class and barely communicating. I have never been popular nor been the socialite I am now back then. No, I’m not lying. Honestly. Though all those happened when I was in primary school. Haha. Got ya. But that did happen.
As I grew older, I thought to myself that unless I do something to change my outlook and personality, I would always be a bane for others’ mockery. That’s when my gift of the gab (or some would call it the weapon of sarcasm) came along. With my new found approach, I was able to blend in the crowd, thus easily becoming one of the “outstanding” students in class. Even so, though I had more friends, I was never really that happy. I saw everyone (okay, I was over exaggerating there) getting involved in a relationship. I wanted one. Yes, WANTED. But I was always overshadowed by those who are more good looking than yours truly. Sure, they always say that personality outshines looks, but in reality, physical attraction counts a lot too.
That was when I decided to lose weight. I did lose weight, got my confidence, but gained them again. Looks like my level of tolerance and discipline is totally bad heh? Then, NS came. For those who don’t know what NS means, it’s National Service, people. Yes, ORD oh! Haha. No more NS obligations for me. Anyhow, I weighed a hefty 71kg before I was enlisted and after I went for my intensive 6 months training, my weight dropped to a remarkable 60kg. Damn, I looked good. (If you’re asking why I don’t look “60kg” anymore, blame in NP’s canteens. Foods are so irresistable!) That’s when I started getting into relationships and stuff. After dabbling in and out of them, I grew tired of it. Looks like it’s all just so superficial heh? So, I figured, being single is the best option for me now. Studies is priority! No kidding.
The benefits gained from the lectures on self awareness and self esteem did wonders for me. I’ve learned more about myself in particular and how to manage myself further. I can’t say for sure that self esteem is something that others can help you with cause ultimately, it’s all up to an individual.
Remember, nobody can make you feel bad without your permission.
I suppose that if you don’t believe in yourself, then nobody else will. And you can’t blame anyone for your lack of belief in yourself.
Five years down the road, I could definitely see myself on another whole new level. A brand new me which exudes further confidence and the eloquence that has never been seen before. Now, I may just be an aspiring student but one day, I will be what I’ve always want to be; an accountant - a successful one at that. The things that I will remember from my former self is that confidence and being opinionated has always been in my blood. It’s something that comes naturally and not induced from obligation. Also, my determination and drive to succeed would always be the advantage to whatever I do. These are all the essentials to reach my objective.
As for now, the two words I will always keep in mind is “opportunity cost”. For me to achieve my goals, I have to choose the right opportunity cost at all times. Study, if I must but play hard when the time to reward is there.
PS: Tag or leave me comments. I will certainly love you for that.
