Friday, August 8, 2008
Not Ready To Make Nice
It’s ironic how we always seem to fight with our alter ego. Trust me. Everyone has their alter ego; another side of them which they don’t show it to others readily, or should I say unknowingly. For example, look at the most quietest person in your class and observe him/her carefully. Yes, they may look docile and totally harmless but have you ever wondered if there’s another side to them? Whereby they get triggered by the littlest things that offends them, beseeching their anger to surface beneath that petite form, figuratively speaking.
Yes, anger can make or break a person. And how the mood is affected counts on how much anger is exuded or afflicted on. For some, it comes naturally. For others, it comes as a surprise. To me, anger is within me, embodied with every ounce of my body; just like how my skin keeps my flesh protected. The anger is within my flesh and if I can be anal about things, I can literally feel my body ripping apart everytime my anger emerge. Don’t miscontrue the definition of anger though. Different people take on their own approach to handling anger. Some are used to bantering, scolding profanities, resorting to violence and there are those who seek solace in crying. It’s an act which either hurts others or hurts yourself.
So, in class, we were told to check MEL for 36 different anger analysis situations. Clicking the box one by one already tested my patience (I’m not kiddding) so when I finally set my eyes on one of them, I was elated. Yes! A situation that I could relate to. Here’s an excerpt.
One weekend in August, my friend and I went to the library at the Esplanade to study for our exams. We left only at 9 pm when the library closes.
Instead of heading home immediately, we went for dinner and I only reached home at about 11 pm. My parents scolded me for coming home late when the exams were just around the corner. They did not believe that I had gone to study in the library, insisting that all libraries close at 5 pm on weekends. They were unaware that the library at Esplanade closes at 9 pm on weekends. I was accused of lying to them and going out to fool around.
I tried explaining to my parents but they refused to listen. In the end, I just gave up: “You just want to hear that I went out to play, right? OK, I went out with my friends. Are you happy now?” I remembered slamming the door to my room. I hate to be maligned. What angered me the most was that they didn’t trust me.
Jackpot! I was so happy I finally could relate to a situation. I’ve always faced such a situation with my family and it totally gets on my nerves. Just because I don’t show my hardworking side, doesn’t mean I’m not hardworking. Duh! My solution to the problem though is as follows.
Do not fight fire with fire. When someone is angry, the other party should just listen and not retaliate. It will be futile in the event whereby both want to be dominant in the argument. Back off and reason out things in a more apprehensive way. Evaluate and think about each word that you want to say so that you will not end up adding more oil to the fire, figuratively speaking. Someone has to give in, be it his fault or not. Once the storm is over and after the rainbow has emerged will then we are able to sit down and talk about it.
In the heat of anger, a fight is definitely inevitable. But the degree of damage inflicted can be reduced to the minimal. At the end of the day, we will all realize that getting too worked up was not productive at all. The best way to go about it is to point out the reasons for anger to happen and how to prevent it from happening the next time. Like they say, once bitten, twice shy but that’s not the case for every scenario.
Where trust is to be given, give the person the benefit of doubt where it’s due. If it’s a repetitive act though, then you have to take a different approach to it. Being angry or pissed off is not a solution, but more of a liability to the relationship. Being rational definitely will help.
At the end of the day, how we reason out our problems matters. Being angry about something for a long period of time is useless. It will only affect your mood. Instead of pulling a sulky face the whole day, why not cry your heart out and then be nonchalant about the whole thing later? Afterall, while it’s a fine line between anger and happiness, it’s a vice versa situation that can be overturned anytime. Don’t let anger consume you, delete them away.
To sum it all up, throwing a tantrum or being pissed off is not going to help or make wonders. All you have to do is talk things out and solve it amicably. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You just got to widen up your options and be opened to reasoning.
