Monday, August 4, 2008
Break me love into pieces.
Now, I had a talk with one of my friends the other day. I won't say who but we talked about divorce. Yes, it's a topic not for the discussion for someone like me cause I never went through it before. But then again, I can.
My parents divorce when I was 5. That was when I was just in kindergarten. Back then, I recalled the fact that my dad and I were never close. Not even shoulders to shoulders. Which was the reason why the day the judge asked whom I wanted to follow, my answer was simple. My mom.
Life without my dad was hard. Not that I needed him in any way. But, he sold off the house we were in. I still remembered - Hougang. Yes, he tricked my mom in selling off the only form of accommodation that we had. The days when we shifted houses; from one sister's place to another. From Tampines to Marsiling; it never came to a good ending. It was hard living with them, on top the fact that they still had their family to take care of. Imagine the three of us - my mom, my sister and myself cramming into one room with all our items inside. It was hard, and painful feeling.
We knew we had to finance ourselves. My sister was working and I was evidently desperate of an education. So, my mom worked. As a matter of fact, she had been working all along.
Then, I was in Primary Three. I followed my mom to work during the holidays. No one was there to help her out and the boss was nice enough to let me help her out. I remembered the days I helped her scrub the floor of toilets and vacuumed the office. It was a company in the industrial park. Life was hard but mom was still persevering on. As a matter of fact, she still gave me 10 bucks out of her measly wage of $500. I treasured that amount dearly to my heart.
She worked there for around 1 year plus. After that, her health was failing and so she decided to work at a muslim stall near our place. Oh, that's when we got our home. Our very own place. More place for us to stay but of course which comes with high expenses. Mom still worked hard and I studied.
Throughout the years, I dreaded Father's Day. Or the parental consent form which required my parents to sign. Everytime I return back the form to my teacher, the father column would be blank. When the teacher asked why, I couldn't answer him/her. I just kept quiet.
In school, there were always talks of a perfect family. In every lesson there was, they talked about happy families and how mom and dad would be the one to be by your side always. All I had is my mom and sister. Yes. If the situation arise for it, my sister would be my father.
Coming to secondary school, life wasn't that bad. I got into Express stream and I was so damn proud of myself. Not the fact that I think I was smart. All I got was 192 and that was the cutoff for Express Stream in Woodlands Ring Secondary School. I was in the pioneer batch. In my class, I learnt that there were many others who faced the same dilemma as I was. I didn't all alone at all.
However, I was frequently picked on for being weak and feeble. I wasn't the jock nor was one of the sluts. I was just a nerd who was plain stupid. I flunked my Maths throughout and couldn't do Science for heaven's sake. I only survived barely basing on my languages. I didn't even know anything about O levels. All I knew was that it was a final examination before we got posted elsewhere.
I was deluded. I thought I could still go JC. What a joke. When I got my results, I could only get into Engineering course in Poly. What's the other alternative, ITE. Yes, that place that O level kids would shun from. However, I made my way to ITE and took Accounting.
Over there, I started to wake up and realised that many other kids from single parent families have done well. So, why not me? That's when I decided to do well and look where I have reached. Pretty well done, I must say.
This is why I'm pretty sad and appalled at the same time for kids who have perfect families. No, not saying that they don't have problems on their own but I'm just saying that they are blessed to have love from both sides of the parties. But, given all that love, they take things for granted. Unlike them, I can't get all the things that I want. My family is not well educated. We don't go on holidays to Europe or even Hong Kong. We are not rich at all.
Some kids I know spend a lot. And then not study. They don't have to worry even. Cause even if they flunked their exams or graduated by just a hair. That's because their future is so bright and they can just take over the company. Either that, or they know that they have all the money in the world to go overseas university.
It's sad and it's hard for people who are studying their ass off just because they need to. And it's more saddening to know that some are just nonchalant about it. Yes, you won't be able to see the benefits now.
In time, you will. And don't say that you have regretted it.
So like Jojo's song, "It's too little, too late."
